Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Future of CNN

CNN 2010:


Need Proof? I mean, besides missing blondes getting hundreds of hours and the veterans missing limbs getting, oh, jack squat.

We used to get news from actual journalists and reporters. David Brinkley even wrote his own copy. Such was the reserve of credibility that the networks have been mining ever since.



Then we had infotainment--the evening news magazines--we all know what that looks like. It's popular, it's exciting. What if we bring that sexy, jazzed up stuff to the news? Well as in lot's of things, other countries sometimes try it out before we do--so have a look at Primer Impacto, the spanish language CNN that we almost look like today.



Mmmmm. That's good looking news about Tumba de Concreto. Must...change...channel...No...must...watch.



Hay, me gusto mucho las anchorettas bonitas! So you just know it's where were going because CNN is already robbing the cradle for cuter and younger anchorettas. This next one is real:



I'm writing a anchorette interview bot. It's real easy to write programs that form a continuous loop. I think it's something like:

while listening = true;
{"We show you salacious crap because you keep watching it, so we can't show you hard news because then you'd turn it off and watch porn, so we HAVE to show you porno news because otherwise the public would not get their news because we can't show it and it's our responsibility to show it because Americans trust us as their news source and we can't let them down and so" //repeats indefinitely
}

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