Thursday, August 18, 2005

Bush Air Reports Flawless Safety, Record Profits


Aug 18, 2005 Crawford, TX. "We are pleased to report a record of flawless safety and record profits" said G.W. Bush today, CEO of Bush Airways. While President Bush is not involved in the day to day operations of the airline, spending his time on vacation as President, he has handed over the operation of the airlines to longtime friend and supporter Orvis "Hooper" Carlysle.

Despite the stock sinking to record lows, the President remained upbeat. "Hooper tells me things could not be better, and I believe him." said President Bush.

There have been widely circulated reports that recent crashes have been due to cost cutting in the maintenance unit, which was apparently laid off last quarter and the pilot crews replaced by lower cost employees from Mexico. Randolph Likspittle, spokesman for the Airline, denied any such rumor. "That is a ridiculous statement, we have perfect safety record." Asked about a recent crash in Otter Creek, Randolph replied "that was not a crash, it was an unscheduled landing event at a non-prime location."

Several people injured and families of the dead involved in the unsheduled landing have filed suit for damages. "Micheal Moore and MoveOn.org are totally behind this effort, it's just another case of their usual partisan trickery." One of the mothers of the deceased, Casey Sheenan, was blasted by Bill O'Reilly when she appeared on the O'Reilly Factor last night. "You're nothing but an America-hating left-wing socialist bent on the destruction of the American airline industry!"

A senior airline industry spokesman who would not give his name stated that the use of mexican immigrant labor, trained in simulators for 3 weeks by Halliburton contractors was a novel and unproven approach to flight training. "Calling our pilots inexperienced and unable to communicate in English is a deplorable racist and class warfare tactic known to be used by the extreme left in this country" declared Mr. Likspittle.

Rescue workers were delayed getting to the "landing" site due to the lack of a mayday message coming from the plane. Repeated calls of "Hay, Dios Mio" went unheeded.

Bush Airways trades at $1.07.

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