Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Democrats, your talking points are here;

Yes, you need a new message, so try something new instead of lame GOP castoffs:

Since Republicans have abandoned fiscal conservatism, we will be that party and balance the budget--we've led on that issue before.

Since Republicans have abandoned the idea of small government in favor of very large, very centralized, very expensive and very intrusive government, we will be the party of government restraint. At our worst, we've never been this bad anyway.

Since Republicans have abandoned the free market in favor of selective industry and company subsidies (based on who contributes what) we will become the party of free markets and deregulation. Really, if Republicans wanted to do anything here, they've had 5 years of running the place and could do it. Nothing, zip, nada. We can't do any worse!

Democrats support faith based ideas, just not in war planning, budgeting and nation building.

Since Republicans have abandoned integrity, in war and in Presidential guarantees ('the leaker will be fired'), we will be that party. Again, at our worst, we were never this bad.

We will not be the party of pre-emptive war on meticulously constructed intelligence hoaxes--ever.

We will not be bleeding heart conservative nation builders. If we ever attempt help, we will not finance another country's socialist healthcare system.

We will not the party of knowingly providing false White House press passes to gay male prostitutes under false names.

America, we know why you don't like Democrats: We tax and spend, thus balancing the budget and not raising interest rates. Republicans borrow and spend and we get the thankless job of trying to clean up after their fiscal orgies. Everybody wants to go to the party, nobody wants to stay and clean up.

Let us come clean--since many of us travel, we get exposed to crazy new ideas. Like the idea of hot chocolate and coffee together is quite delicious. However, some snob named it a grande mocha latte and that's where all the trouble all started. It sounds all "look at us, we're a bunch of callous sophisticates, we're better than you." But honestly, all this fancy lingo is just so they can charge you more money for coffee with milk in it. We're still normal people. And Volvo is owned by Ford, so driving a Volvo is not anti-American. They own Jaguar and Aston Martin too.

We will keep Social Security and Medicare afloat as well as possible with the broken treasury we have been left by the Republicans. And we will take a page from their playbook and just rename these programs to something that sounds better, like Fiscal Security and Super MediFund. Honestly, we do think it's dishonest to continually adopt new euphamisms for things, but if we don't, we'll be the only ones that don't. Do you really want that?

And finally we'd like to offer an olive branch to George W. Bush. In his striving to rebuild Arab countries as Socialist States and help the poor and middle class with government money, to restructure the Social Security system with additional trillions of dollars. This man truly knows how to be a liberal. So we now leave liberalism to the Republicans because they have so demonstrated that it doesn't work.

God Bless You My Fellow Americans. And that means everyone's God and All Americans, not just the ones that consider themselves more religious and more patriotic than everyone else. Although we still welome Evangilicals and if you really want to insist you're better and more special, well, you're special to us.


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